Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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