Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
