haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
