I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
