is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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