i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize