Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
