everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
