Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
