i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
