how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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