I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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