I looked at my own cervix.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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