well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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