my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That was an excessively violent trivia night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
