I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
