Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
