so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
