My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
