this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
