i can't believe i had my finger in that
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
