Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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