Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
