I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
