I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
