I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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