There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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