Ambien. No doubt about it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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