So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
