I can text with my tongue
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
