shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
this hospital has no fireball
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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