u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
