She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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