Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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