Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
