I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
