my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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