After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
