there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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