He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My ass is underappreciated
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
