Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
