Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
NoShamevember. You game?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
