Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
