I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
