I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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