just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
