My sheets look like a crime scene.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
