I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
