I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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