The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
