gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
