He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
