You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
