I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
