Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize