I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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