He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
