Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
