i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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