True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
