i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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