Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
