i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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