You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How naked do you want me to be?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
