I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
