forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
