Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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