im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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